Galentine's Day

A lunch and coffee date with my best friend Theresa unexpectedly turned into an early celebration of Galentine’s Day. “What is Galentine’s Day?” the delightful Leslie Knope informs us on Parks and Recreation, “Oh, it’s only the best day of the year. Every February 13th, my lady friends and I leave our husbands and our boyfriends at home, and we just come and kick it breakfast style. Ladies celebrating ladies. It’s like Lilith Fair minus the angst. Plus frittatas.”

Theresa surprised me with the best Galentine’s Day gift a girl could ask for—wine and face masks. So I can hydrate my face and soul simultaneously.

While I’ve always been unlucky in love, I won the lottery when it comes to my friends. I have selective memory when it comes to events in my past, but I vividly remember sitting on the floor in 7th grade gym class across from Theresa and sharing our delight in our mutual Korean heritage. Fifteen years later, she remains my best friend and soul sister. Entire conversations can be held with one look or the raise of an eyebrow. She knows me better than I know myself at times and is often my voice of reason, but remains the first person I would call if I wanted to make bad decisions. My pillar of strength, my shoulder to cry on, my north star in the tumultuous roller coaster that is life; she is my forever Valentine and Galentine, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without her.

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12 Reasons Fairy Godmother Would Make the Ultimate BFF

1. She would know just when to show up when you’re sobbing miserably from having lost all hope and feeling as though you have nothing left to believe in

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2. She would wipe away your tears, comfort you, and then help you get ready for the hottest party in the kingdom

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3. She would create a one of a kind dress that MATCHES THE SHADE OF YOUR EYES

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4. ...that would capture the attention of a prince

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5. Because glass slippers

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6. She would make sure you rolled up to the party in style

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7. And be sure your entire squad joined you— to the door, at least

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8. She would sing a catchy song the entire time, eliminating the need of a playlist

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9. Sparkly GLASS. SLIPPERS.

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10. She would give you a curfew so you couldn't make any bad decisions, as one would after all of that dancing and eye gazing and kissing with a prince

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11. She would make sure you had a designated driver to get you home

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12. She would let you keep your shoes because what kind of monster would give and then take away glass slippers

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The Game of Caring Less

In the game of modern dating, the prevalent rule seems to be “whoever cares less, wins.” The underlying premise of this notion is that nobody wants to be the one who is more interested because the person who cares less has all the power. After all, as Penny Lane says in Almost Famous, “If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt.” It is, in a way, the ultimate form of self-preservation.

What started off as a rule to follow when dating or starting a relationship has turned into an entirely separate game in and of itself. The Game of Caring Less is why we send text messages few and far between despite wanting otherwise, and why our response time has to equal or exceed the time it took for us to receive the last message. It’s why we act busier than we really are and pretend to be disinterested, so as not to seem too eager or show that we care “too much.” Because no one wants to be the pathetic “loser” who caught deeper feelings or became more invested. And no one wants to be the person who ends up sadder when things don’t work out because not only are your feelings hurt, now your ego and pride are, too. The idea is ‘I cared less about the relationship, I cared less about you, I hurt less, and as a result, I win.’

Except, what exactly are we winning? The fact that we didn’t allow ourselves to experience the full range of emotions we possibly could have? The fact that we were disingenuous to how we really felt? The reality is that truly opening yourself up to someone means putting down your walls and revealing your weaknesses. The strongest women are not those who always “win” by denying their feelings in order to uphold an image of strength, but those who can be vulnerable and honest despite the possibility of rejection and pain. Sure, in the moment, it may feel as though you “lost” because you cared more for the other person and invested more of your feelings. And as someone who loves and thrives on winning, it’s a hard pill to swallow. But are we ever losing if we care too much or too deeply? And if we are denying ourselves the opportunity to truly feel, are we ever really winning?

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